A broken heart' loneliness

There is this place I currently find myself, that I can't explain. Perhaps it is my own fault for getting myself here. Perhaps it is simply where I am.

I feel like I fell into the love I always dreamed of and then it broke me and I have been sputtering around like a hurting animal in a nightmarish storm ever since. Even though I know the rock to turn to the lightening and the dark distort it' comfort.

In some ways I have hurt myself more. Maybe I have even hurt others, and this cave I am in is lonely. I feel like I don't know how to get out. The world I believe I will see outside has lost all joy, hope and Magic.

Tonight I curl up and I talk to my dog. She stares at me and scratches her nose. I just lay there asking her about her day. What cars she chased and if she is happy, she licks her lips. The thought enters my mind, "is this insanity?" Have I fallen to the depths of myself?

I am still hurting. I am still broken. I am lonely.

There is still joy. There is still beauty. There is still hope.

But not in here. Not in me. My heart just needs to be still.

I wish it was raining outside. That is truly how I feel.

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