Easter Love

There was nothing normal about this Easter Sunday.  It started with tears and ended with laughter, but at least I discovered I am not alone in my singleness. 

My poor DAD!

Both of my brothers are now married and have decided that they want to do their own family traditions.  Which makes perfect sense and is an excellent idea.  However, for my unmarried sister and I this can make the absence of love in our lives....slight more vivid! 

Perhaps as we both start to say good bye to our twenties and enter our thirties we should stop feeling like kids when we go home and act more grown up but their is something about stepping into your parents house, regardless of your age that seems to make age stand still.  And while there are still the battles for equality and freedom from parental rule ...Its still nice to just be a kid sometimes. 

Our Easter mornings begin before the sun rises as we hike out to a nearby hill overlooking a meadow filled with baby calves running around and surrounded by miles of rolling sandhills.  We sit there, bundled in our Easter best (a.k.a hoodies, snowpants, coveralls, any random winter accessory that will help you stay warm) as my dad with his big bushy santa beard and weathered hands opens up the bible and his gentle voice rumbles across the hills as he reads us the Easter story.  The dogs sneak around stealing as many rubs as they can get and we huddle together watching the sun spark the horizon on fire.

Then my sister and I run down the hill to an old cement root cellar buried in the ground where we find the empty cloth and then pretend to be angels sitting on the tomb while we all sing some old hyms.  Like "Up from the Grave He ARose"...not sure on that title.  Cassie and I have to play more parts this year since the boys and their families are gone.  But its nice.

Normally we do Easter baskets and an egg hunt on Saturday, but since I had to work they saved it for Sunday.  Cassie of course beat me in the Easter Egg hunt and for the first time in my thrity some years of life mom put something in the plastic eggs!  Hello Snickers bars.  All seemed well when Cassie excused her self to go spend some time with God in prayer.  I decided that was an excellent start to an Easter Sunday so with coffee cup in hand I found an old journal and my bible and set in front of the fire place reading.  The journal was from the year before when my heart had hoped desperately to reunite with my ex-boyfriend and hope seemed against me.  I had taken time to listen to God about my husband and someday getting married regardless if my ex was the man.  Reading those words of hope and promise and thinking back over so many years of hoping and waiting and then this Easter sitting with even less promise of finding love and still acutely feeling the pain of the loss and broken heart from my last boyfriend just weighed heavy on me.  Still I could not help but hope.

I sat down at the breakfast table with my parents and sister for homemade scones and eggs.  Everyone was happy but I noticed my sisters eyes red with tears.  Now she is one to cry at a drop of the hat so that was not so unexpected, but it was Easter after all our favorite holiday...She was going through her own romance troubles.  in love with a guy who seemed to go out of his way to avoid her.  As she started to share her troubles with tears rolling down her cheeks.  My heart got heavier and heavier too.  Like I wanted to cry as well.  And I realized that my little sister, with whom I love and share many memories with was in the same place as me.  The choice was mine I could hold it all together and remain cold and indifferent or join her in her tears.  And so Easter breakfast my poor father sat trying to cheer his two crying daughters up by talking about how he should probably go out and feed the cows some more, while out mother offered verses on hope and faith and this being a good season.  And we two just looked at each other and cried.  And in its pain it was the same as always but I felt like God was giving me such a huge Easter gift. To see my sister in a way I never had. To love her and bond with her more deeply to share my pain with her pain and to allow ourselves to cry...was the most healing Easter present I could ask for.

I don't know what God has in store in the ways of love for our futures.  People will always tell you when you stop looking for your spouse then you will find them.  This is complete crap, I always want to say.  But what I am coming to realize is that when you reach that place of deep longing and you stop searching and surrender God either does bring you your husband or He takes you into another season of having the grace to enjoy and love being single again.  I may never find true love again, but reborn is the truth that God is sufficient He is providing and there is always Hope in Him.  My life is New every morning like the sun catching the horizon on fire.  And just like I HATE getting out of bed for the sunrise service, sometimes I HATE watching couples in love, HATE the hope that keeps burning in my chest....but when I walk out into life and choose joy in the midst of pain and unknowns and hike over the hills before me I am renewed and reawakened to the beauty and intimate blessing of God's true love all around me.

The day went on with a trip to church, and then lunch with our brothers and their families.  It was good.  It ended with the four of us driving home my dad quietly listening to the Oldies station.  Suddenly my mom said, "Girls this song is for you...It may be poor timing but..." and as she smiled the words "Oh, you can't hurry love, no you'll just have to wait.  Love don't come easy ...Its a game of give and take..." filled the car and soon we were all laughing and singing.