Positive self -talk in Relationships
This morning I woke up to vivid colors of summer gold of the rising sun illuminating my holly hocks against a surreal turquoise sky. I flipped on focus on the family to listen to the morning talk show as I dozed between waking and sleeping. The woman on the radio talked about negative self talk in a way I had never heard.
People always talk about negative self-talk in how we look at ourselves as in...Don't stand in front of the mirror and grab your tummy fat and say 'Good morning, front butt' or look behind you and grab those pesky love handles that flap right behind your arms and call them 'back boobs'...don't look at your hips and say 'Hello Hippo Hips, Wow you are the hugest fatest person ever!' that I have always heard of as negative self talk. Instead we as woman are to look in the mirror wink at ourselves and say "Good morning hottie! My your eyes are sparkling today. Wow, you have never looked so good. Did you lose ten pounds while you slept?...I think so!" or some such positive self talk. The above I know plenty of women do the below I have heard very few recite.
However, on the radio there was a whole new concept of positive self talk and it was profound! For this woman she would often think of all the negative things her husband was thinking or feeling about her and had just not had the courage to say to her. These negative things would swirl in her head beating her down until eventually she would burst out and lash out at him. He in turn would become angry that she had put all these accusations on him, all of which were very true for her and equally unknown to him.
Over time she has learned that when those negative thoughts entered her mind she needed to go to him and say "These are the thoughts that are going through my mind. I know you have not said any of these things but I need you to tell me what you are really thinking so I can fight them off with truth." Ok I put that in quotes not because it is actually a direct quote from the woman on the radio, but because that is what my mind remembers from the foggy 5:30 am state of just starting to wake up.
As I prepared for work it just kept rumbling through my mind how key this is for all relationships...yet scary. However, I thought if I learn to do this if I make this a practice of my life how much better my relationships will go. Many friendships and roommate relationships have been destroyed from people believing lies that never even happened. The middle school and high school fights that would never start if kids learned that often people aren't glaring at them but are literally just trying to focus their eye sight but unable to see because they are 'to cool' to wear glasses.
The amount of times I have assumed from different behaviors and actions of people their dislike or frustration of me is ridiculous. The exhausting arguments I have held in my head defending myself and actions to this person, playing them and me...If instead I had simply and quickly addressed it the agony of self-loathing would never have taken the toll or chunk out of some relationships that it has.
Now to put this concept into action...ok I am terrified!
People always talk about negative self-talk in how we look at ourselves as in...Don't stand in front of the mirror and grab your tummy fat and say 'Good morning, front butt' or look behind you and grab those pesky love handles that flap right behind your arms and call them 'back boobs'...don't look at your hips and say 'Hello Hippo Hips, Wow you are the hugest fatest person ever!' that I have always heard of as negative self talk. Instead we as woman are to look in the mirror wink at ourselves and say "Good morning hottie! My your eyes are sparkling today. Wow, you have never looked so good. Did you lose ten pounds while you slept?...I think so!" or some such positive self talk. The above I know plenty of women do the below I have heard very few recite.
However, on the radio there was a whole new concept of positive self talk and it was profound! For this woman she would often think of all the negative things her husband was thinking or feeling about her and had just not had the courage to say to her. These negative things would swirl in her head beating her down until eventually she would burst out and lash out at him. He in turn would become angry that she had put all these accusations on him, all of which were very true for her and equally unknown to him.
Over time she has learned that when those negative thoughts entered her mind she needed to go to him and say "These are the thoughts that are going through my mind. I know you have not said any of these things but I need you to tell me what you are really thinking so I can fight them off with truth." Ok I put that in quotes not because it is actually a direct quote from the woman on the radio, but because that is what my mind remembers from the foggy 5:30 am state of just starting to wake up.
As I prepared for work it just kept rumbling through my mind how key this is for all relationships...yet scary. However, I thought if I learn to do this if I make this a practice of my life how much better my relationships will go. Many friendships and roommate relationships have been destroyed from people believing lies that never even happened. The middle school and high school fights that would never start if kids learned that often people aren't glaring at them but are literally just trying to focus their eye sight but unable to see because they are 'to cool' to wear glasses.
The amount of times I have assumed from different behaviors and actions of people their dislike or frustration of me is ridiculous. The exhausting arguments I have held in my head defending myself and actions to this person, playing them and me...If instead I had simply and quickly addressed it the agony of self-loathing would never have taken the toll or chunk out of some relationships that it has.
Now to put this concept into action...ok I am terrified!
Comments
Post a Comment