finding your true love
"Just wait, when you stop looking then you will meet your future spouse!"
There is no other statement in all the world that makes my eye brows raise and daggers shoot to the surface of my eyes and fury build within the muscles of my body. Its like a blind frustrated ranting rage wants to verbally lash the idiot who got married right out of college and thinks they know anything about years and years of singleness. Its frustrating because it is as if they are saying "The deep lonliness and longing that you are feeling...it is your fault. And if you will just stop wanting to get married then you will meet your true love". So then you start to believe it and get to a place where you decide "Yes, singleness is for me! I am happy being single and never want to get married! Its just you and me God!" and then the people say, " Wait, wait wouldn't you rather travel and adventure and live life with a spouse and family? Don't shut your heart off to the possibilities of Marriage!" At which point I have become exasperated and just thrown my hands up, giving up!!
The truth of the matter is both are off, and both hold truth. The key is learning to seek after God at all times, in all seasons knowing that desires of the heart will continue to come and go. I have found that when I surrender my desire for marriage And family God gives me grace to make it another season of being single. For some of my friends they have met their spouse in the seasons of surrender and they then feel able to say like the first group that this is when you and how you meet your spouse. But for me and many other singles those seasons of surrender have remained seasons of singleness that have taken us deeper into intimacy with God and off onto some of the most epic adventures of our life.
I think the real question a single and even a married person needs to ask themself is "Do I look at marriage and romance as an idol? Am I believing the lie that my secret to happiness, fulfillment and Contentment lies in meeting and marrying 'the one' because if we do then we are headed down the road of failed relationships broken hearts and disappointment. No person can ever meet our every need perfectly all the time. In fact couples in long term happy marriages will often tell you the most surprising thing they learned upon getting married was how selfish they were and how the best way to sustain their relationship was to learn to sacrifice for the other person And find their fulfillment and security of all their needs in Christ first.
For our own best interest and for there to ever be any hope of a lasting relationship God must be our number one priority. We must find our identity and security and fulfillment in Him. When we find ourselves slipping in life or making mistakes we must do all that we can to run hard back to Him. Nothing will matter more. There is no other way to find true happiness if we someday desire a long and fulfilling marriage and family or if we remain single.
God knows this and so He will remove anything in our lives that sets itself up between us and Him. Not because He is selfish and mean but because He loves us and wants the best for us. He knows and understands how integral our relationship with Him is for happiness and a good life and so He , as should we, works to protect it.
For me he has been showing me what an idol I have set marriage and romance up to be. He has removed the man I idolized from my life and set about showing me the surgery that needs to be done on my heart and in my life before I am ready to be in a relationship. Its not fun seeing our sin or our brokenness, but it is awesome knowing God is not disappointed in us and is tenderly healing and transforming our lives. I am selfish. I am judgmental I have been willing to sacrifice things and standards I knew God had given me, just to have love and marriage. But God in His wisdom and graciousness said no. And is doing some heart surgery on me.
He is showing me where my heart has not been all for Him and He is changing it. Not my will but yours God. He has shown me that the best thing for me and my heart is to worship and to live my life in worship of Him, and if the best way for me to do that is by being single then thank you Lord that I am single. And if the best way for me to do that is in marriage then He will bring me a husband. But I can trust Him no matter what.
Maybe it is true that when you stop looking God brings you someone, but the truth is I only want God. I never want to hurt someone like I hurt the man I idolized and I don't want to live with regrets....but I do want to live for God with every part of my being. I want to learn to be still and budget my time and money. I want to learn to hear His voice and have His heart more every day. And I want to learn to love others better. So the truth is that it doesn't matter if stopping looking means you find your spouse or not...because if stopping looking means you start trusting God more, and truly learning to live and love who you were made to be and those God set around you...then life in itself becomes more beautiful and more fulfilling than it ever could have been before...in which case I want to stop looking, not to find a man but to know my true love more.
There is no other statement in all the world that makes my eye brows raise and daggers shoot to the surface of my eyes and fury build within the muscles of my body. Its like a blind frustrated ranting rage wants to verbally lash the idiot who got married right out of college and thinks they know anything about years and years of singleness. Its frustrating because it is as if they are saying "The deep lonliness and longing that you are feeling...it is your fault. And if you will just stop wanting to get married then you will meet your true love". So then you start to believe it and get to a place where you decide "Yes, singleness is for me! I am happy being single and never want to get married! Its just you and me God!" and then the people say, " Wait, wait wouldn't you rather travel and adventure and live life with a spouse and family? Don't shut your heart off to the possibilities of Marriage!" At which point I have become exasperated and just thrown my hands up, giving up!!
The truth of the matter is both are off, and both hold truth. The key is learning to seek after God at all times, in all seasons knowing that desires of the heart will continue to come and go. I have found that when I surrender my desire for marriage And family God gives me grace to make it another season of being single. For some of my friends they have met their spouse in the seasons of surrender and they then feel able to say like the first group that this is when you and how you meet your spouse. But for me and many other singles those seasons of surrender have remained seasons of singleness that have taken us deeper into intimacy with God and off onto some of the most epic adventures of our life.
I think the real question a single and even a married person needs to ask themself is "Do I look at marriage and romance as an idol? Am I believing the lie that my secret to happiness, fulfillment and Contentment lies in meeting and marrying 'the one' because if we do then we are headed down the road of failed relationships broken hearts and disappointment. No person can ever meet our every need perfectly all the time. In fact couples in long term happy marriages will often tell you the most surprising thing they learned upon getting married was how selfish they were and how the best way to sustain their relationship was to learn to sacrifice for the other person And find their fulfillment and security of all their needs in Christ first.
For our own best interest and for there to ever be any hope of a lasting relationship God must be our number one priority. We must find our identity and security and fulfillment in Him. When we find ourselves slipping in life or making mistakes we must do all that we can to run hard back to Him. Nothing will matter more. There is no other way to find true happiness if we someday desire a long and fulfilling marriage and family or if we remain single.
God knows this and so He will remove anything in our lives that sets itself up between us and Him. Not because He is selfish and mean but because He loves us and wants the best for us. He knows and understands how integral our relationship with Him is for happiness and a good life and so He , as should we, works to protect it.
For me he has been showing me what an idol I have set marriage and romance up to be. He has removed the man I idolized from my life and set about showing me the surgery that needs to be done on my heart and in my life before I am ready to be in a relationship. Its not fun seeing our sin or our brokenness, but it is awesome knowing God is not disappointed in us and is tenderly healing and transforming our lives. I am selfish. I am judgmental I have been willing to sacrifice things and standards I knew God had given me, just to have love and marriage. But God in His wisdom and graciousness said no. And is doing some heart surgery on me.
He is showing me where my heart has not been all for Him and He is changing it. Not my will but yours God. He has shown me that the best thing for me and my heart is to worship and to live my life in worship of Him, and if the best way for me to do that is by being single then thank you Lord that I am single. And if the best way for me to do that is in marriage then He will bring me a husband. But I can trust Him no matter what.
Maybe it is true that when you stop looking God brings you someone, but the truth is I only want God. I never want to hurt someone like I hurt the man I idolized and I don't want to live with regrets....but I do want to live for God with every part of my being. I want to learn to be still and budget my time and money. I want to learn to hear His voice and have His heart more every day. And I want to learn to love others better. So the truth is that it doesn't matter if stopping looking means you find your spouse or not...because if stopping looking means you start trusting God more, and truly learning to live and love who you were made to be and those God set around you...then life in itself becomes more beautiful and more fulfilling than it ever could have been before...in which case I want to stop looking, not to find a man but to know my true love more.
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