First Date Tips
Those first few steps up the high dive are exhilarating. You know its going to be great, you have seen the ecstasy on everyone's face as they plunge to the watery awesomeness below. But at some point you look down, at some point you realize you are really high and there are twenty kids lined up behind you, the whole world is watching and you can't back down. This is it.
You can tell the kids who have done this a million times, they keep chatting, they keep joking and they do not stop and stare and think about the one million what if possible death choices that could potentially lie before them because they know that if they do...they could be up there forever. They know that even though a few belly flops might happen its worth it to jump.
So go first dates.
As a little kid dating looked magical. Smiling faces, romance, dancing, beauty, being swept off your feet and sighing over a foot popping heart stopping kiss. My friends who dated would bemoan the torture of it and I would sigh with my metal mouth and puffy zit covered face dreaming of one day being chosen and how marvelous it would be to have multiple men pursuing me. Then I would berate them for being ungrateful. The only date I had in high school asked me out to be closer to my best friend.
IT was a loooong time later before I began taking the 'first date high dive plunge' over and over and over and over again.... I had dated a couple times (kind of) in college, and three times after college before I seriously started dating someone in my mid twenties who ended up telling me he was really interested in my sister after three years. When my second long term relationship came to an end I decided I should start dating for real, as in seeing what was out there before I made any commitments.
In my mind I knew it was hard because I hadn't really dated in high school. I told myself that after the first couple of first dates with guys it would become easier. Nope, it doesn't. Each time the casual meeting and early flirtation is exhilarating. The gentle climb up is fun as old scenery is seen from a new level until that moment of realization hits that you are about to take a plunge into unknown territory and there is no way to guard against that free fall that catches your stomach, and the belly flop of rejection that can leave an eternal sting. Every insecurity wells up and every potential flaw in the person to be met comes to mind like a blaring red flag. What to wear becomes the battle of world war three. Escape plans are your life jacket and if you have none you feel like you will drown. Your identity is lost and you are still standing naked in the shower trying to figure out if you want to make a good impression or call in sick.
The key to this all is to not think, just jump. Focus on what you have control over. Here is my first date check list, minus the brown bag for hyperventilating.
1) Be myself...well kind of... when the freak outs come I will sometimes forget who I am.
2) Give myself time to get ready. Taking time in the shower, using the Victoria Secret layering scent idea so I feel pretty.
3) DOING MY HAIR. This is key because I am the queen of last minute up dos that look good, but I don't feel my best in. However, when I curl my hair I have confidence all day long...its weird like the curling iron has magic powers.
4) Write a comfort phrase on the inside of my wrist to help me calm down in moments when I can't remember how to breathe.
5) Remind myself this too shall pass. (Like when I realized my date was FAR older than he said he was and he hadn't looked up from his ipad for the last half hour of dinner. And I was stuck with him for another 6 hours...)
6) My good group of friends who pump me up like boxing coaches standing outside the ring. They are ready to send me in, and fix me up when I come back a little battered and bruised.
7) Act like an actress. I generally I feel like a royal hot mess on the inside but when I stand tall and smile...no one knows. People will think I have it all together and know what I want, but on the inside I am freaking out.
8) Prayer! I pray a lot. I text at least five people I know on first dates and usually God sends me little love note reminders that I will survive. Like on my most awkward date ever...right when I was starting to hyperventilate, this little boy ran up to me, out of nowhere, and gave me a hug. My heart melted and suddenly I knew everything was going to be fine.
9) Buy something new to wear. When I really am feeling out of sorts and am excited I might even buy a new outfit or item so that I feel extra good regardless of how the date goes. I don't recommend doing this to often because if you are online dating it can get expensive....
10) Remind myself that if everything goes wrong I will have the best dating war stories to regale my friends with. I might as well laugh now.
* please let me know your strategies. Lets add to this so we don't feel alone in the first date high dive act.
You can tell the kids who have done this a million times, they keep chatting, they keep joking and they do not stop and stare and think about the one million what if possible death choices that could potentially lie before them because they know that if they do...they could be up there forever. They know that even though a few belly flops might happen its worth it to jump.
So go first dates.
As a little kid dating looked magical. Smiling faces, romance, dancing, beauty, being swept off your feet and sighing over a foot popping heart stopping kiss. My friends who dated would bemoan the torture of it and I would sigh with my metal mouth and puffy zit covered face dreaming of one day being chosen and how marvelous it would be to have multiple men pursuing me. Then I would berate them for being ungrateful. The only date I had in high school asked me out to be closer to my best friend.
IT was a loooong time later before I began taking the 'first date high dive plunge' over and over and over and over again.... I had dated a couple times (kind of) in college, and three times after college before I seriously started dating someone in my mid twenties who ended up telling me he was really interested in my sister after three years. When my second long term relationship came to an end I decided I should start dating for real, as in seeing what was out there before I made any commitments.
In my mind I knew it was hard because I hadn't really dated in high school. I told myself that after the first couple of first dates with guys it would become easier. Nope, it doesn't. Each time the casual meeting and early flirtation is exhilarating. The gentle climb up is fun as old scenery is seen from a new level until that moment of realization hits that you are about to take a plunge into unknown territory and there is no way to guard against that free fall that catches your stomach, and the belly flop of rejection that can leave an eternal sting. Every insecurity wells up and every potential flaw in the person to be met comes to mind like a blaring red flag. What to wear becomes the battle of world war three. Escape plans are your life jacket and if you have none you feel like you will drown. Your identity is lost and you are still standing naked in the shower trying to figure out if you want to make a good impression or call in sick.
The key to this all is to not think, just jump. Focus on what you have control over. Here is my first date check list, minus the brown bag for hyperventilating.
1) Be myself...well kind of... when the freak outs come I will sometimes forget who I am.
2) Give myself time to get ready. Taking time in the shower, using the Victoria Secret layering scent idea so I feel pretty.
3) DOING MY HAIR. This is key because I am the queen of last minute up dos that look good, but I don't feel my best in. However, when I curl my hair I have confidence all day long...its weird like the curling iron has magic powers.
4) Write a comfort phrase on the inside of my wrist to help me calm down in moments when I can't remember how to breathe.
5) Remind myself this too shall pass. (Like when I realized my date was FAR older than he said he was and he hadn't looked up from his ipad for the last half hour of dinner. And I was stuck with him for another 6 hours...)
6) My good group of friends who pump me up like boxing coaches standing outside the ring. They are ready to send me in, and fix me up when I come back a little battered and bruised.
7) Act like an actress. I generally I feel like a royal hot mess on the inside but when I stand tall and smile...no one knows. People will think I have it all together and know what I want, but on the inside I am freaking out.
8) Prayer! I pray a lot. I text at least five people I know on first dates and usually God sends me little love note reminders that I will survive. Like on my most awkward date ever...right when I was starting to hyperventilate, this little boy ran up to me, out of nowhere, and gave me a hug. My heart melted and suddenly I knew everything was going to be fine.
9) Buy something new to wear. When I really am feeling out of sorts and am excited I might even buy a new outfit or item so that I feel extra good regardless of how the date goes. I don't recommend doing this to often because if you are online dating it can get expensive....
10) Remind myself that if everything goes wrong I will have the best dating war stories to regale my friends with. I might as well laugh now.
* please let me know your strategies. Lets add to this so we don't feel alone in the first date high dive act.
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