Tips for online dating
There should be a list of written rules for online dating that everyone has to read. Maybe one for people who want casual hookups and one for people who want somewhere between a friendship and a long term relationship.
Everyone goes into these dates with a different set of unknown, and unspoken rules and ideas. Cultures clash and awkward moments are met and never communicated through because no one knows they stepped on a land mine of someone's defense system. Online dating is different from dating in high school, college, or the local bar with local people you grew up knowing or others around you knew.
Something as simple as holding hands or a kiss can mean two completely different things for different people. For example to some people holding hands and kissing is not a big deal. They hold hands and kiss their family, close and not close friends, casual dating, committed dating...if their dog had hands they would hold their hand too and...they probably give puppy kisses all the time. For others, kissing and holding hands are signs of commitment something you do once you are seeing one another exclusively. Almost like signs of marking one's territory for more than that date. Not talking about this can lead to SUPER AWKWARD moments!
Often times people online want to meet you and have you exclusively talk with and get to know them right away, this is a great idea...however, not practical. You see anyone who has been dating online for any period of time will tell you that you can't really get to know the person through texting, emailing or even a couple of casual dates. It is as if these people want you to become exclusive to them without first earning the right of exclusive privileges by proving their character and making sure their is mutual trust and attraction. Exclusive commitment should be earned not granted.
Its not that people want to be online players but you start talking to several people all at once and then you truly have no idea who they are until you meet them, and honestly the first meeting should not even count as a date because you generally are both so awkward you aren't even yourself yet.
I think simple dating rules online should be this:
1) Assume whomever you are talking to is also talking to several other people.
2) Assume that they will be going on other dates, not because they don't like you or want to get to know you but because you are trying to get to know a variety of people. Take this as a good sign if they are talking to others, it means you are talking to someone who probably has something worth offering. Its a risk and a challenge but good things come from a little effort.
3)Just because you say nice things means nothing, actions speak louder than words. Prove your character over time before you ask someone to commit exclusively to you.
4) Don't plan a first date that lasts all day without at least offering escape plans. You will both be tortured even if you are perfect for one another.
5) Talk about your thoughts on physical touch in a relationship so that you don't accidentally end up looking like an idiot. ( I wish this was part of the profile)
6) Don't let your heart get attached until after you have actually met in person several times.
7) Talk about how you prefer relationships to end. A clear break with reasoning or just a quiet letting go as if you had never seen their profile.
8) Be genuine. Don't lie about what you look like or do or do not enjoy.
9) Stand out from the crowd. It is easy to feel like these dates are no big deal because with online dating you tend to go on quite a few first and second dates but don't give up putting your best foot forward. It is easy to get sloppy in online dating and treat the person like a casual acquaintance instead of someone you are genuinely interested in. You don't know who this person is talking to. If they are quality and online they won't be for long so revive chivalry and sweetness you are almost always guaranteed a second date.
10) Don't talk the whole time! Its good to have several questions to ask. Try and engage your date. If you are a chatty Cathie or Charlie make sure you spend equal time listening and asking questions as talking. A general rule is that if someone asks you a question they may want to also share that part of themselves with you, so don't be afraid to turn a question around.
This is not a super practical or all inclusive list by any means. But I think the key is remembering that before online dating you usually got to know a person's character and had several interactions with them before any commitment to exclusive dating was made. This part of building trust and getting to know someone before making commitments is key to long term healthy relationships and it must be built into online dating relationships or they will never last.
Also Online dating tends to go in cycles. It can be exciting for the first month to meet new people...it can even become a bit obsessive, but it can quickly wear a person out emotionally so people tend to go on and off. Sometimes because they find someone and sometimes because they just need a break. It is not easy and it is not always fun; but it can be rewarding and at the very least give a person some good stories.
Everyone goes into these dates with a different set of unknown, and unspoken rules and ideas. Cultures clash and awkward moments are met and never communicated through because no one knows they stepped on a land mine of someone's defense system. Online dating is different from dating in high school, college, or the local bar with local people you grew up knowing or others around you knew.
Something as simple as holding hands or a kiss can mean two completely different things for different people. For example to some people holding hands and kissing is not a big deal. They hold hands and kiss their family, close and not close friends, casual dating, committed dating...if their dog had hands they would hold their hand too and...they probably give puppy kisses all the time. For others, kissing and holding hands are signs of commitment something you do once you are seeing one another exclusively. Almost like signs of marking one's territory for more than that date. Not talking about this can lead to SUPER AWKWARD moments!
Often times people online want to meet you and have you exclusively talk with and get to know them right away, this is a great idea...however, not practical. You see anyone who has been dating online for any period of time will tell you that you can't really get to know the person through texting, emailing or even a couple of casual dates. It is as if these people want you to become exclusive to them without first earning the right of exclusive privileges by proving their character and making sure their is mutual trust and attraction. Exclusive commitment should be earned not granted.
Its not that people want to be online players but you start talking to several people all at once and then you truly have no idea who they are until you meet them, and honestly the first meeting should not even count as a date because you generally are both so awkward you aren't even yourself yet.
I think simple dating rules online should be this:
1) Assume whomever you are talking to is also talking to several other people.
2) Assume that they will be going on other dates, not because they don't like you or want to get to know you but because you are trying to get to know a variety of people. Take this as a good sign if they are talking to others, it means you are talking to someone who probably has something worth offering. Its a risk and a challenge but good things come from a little effort.
3)Just because you say nice things means nothing, actions speak louder than words. Prove your character over time before you ask someone to commit exclusively to you.
4) Don't plan a first date that lasts all day without at least offering escape plans. You will both be tortured even if you are perfect for one another.
5) Talk about your thoughts on physical touch in a relationship so that you don't accidentally end up looking like an idiot. ( I wish this was part of the profile)
6) Don't let your heart get attached until after you have actually met in person several times.
7) Talk about how you prefer relationships to end. A clear break with reasoning or just a quiet letting go as if you had never seen their profile.
8) Be genuine. Don't lie about what you look like or do or do not enjoy.
9) Stand out from the crowd. It is easy to feel like these dates are no big deal because with online dating you tend to go on quite a few first and second dates but don't give up putting your best foot forward. It is easy to get sloppy in online dating and treat the person like a casual acquaintance instead of someone you are genuinely interested in. You don't know who this person is talking to. If they are quality and online they won't be for long so revive chivalry and sweetness you are almost always guaranteed a second date.
10) Don't talk the whole time! Its good to have several questions to ask. Try and engage your date. If you are a chatty Cathie or Charlie make sure you spend equal time listening and asking questions as talking. A general rule is that if someone asks you a question they may want to also share that part of themselves with you, so don't be afraid to turn a question around.
This is not a super practical or all inclusive list by any means. But I think the key is remembering that before online dating you usually got to know a person's character and had several interactions with them before any commitment to exclusive dating was made. This part of building trust and getting to know someone before making commitments is key to long term healthy relationships and it must be built into online dating relationships or they will never last.
Also Online dating tends to go in cycles. It can be exciting for the first month to meet new people...it can even become a bit obsessive, but it can quickly wear a person out emotionally so people tend to go on and off. Sometimes because they find someone and sometimes because they just need a break. It is not easy and it is not always fun; but it can be rewarding and at the very least give a person some good stories.
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